In the past two weeks I've remembered that when I overcram my calendar, start to have back pains, drink a couple of glasses of wine EVERY night to sleep and stop exercising~all while under the impression that I'm not stressed, everything's fine and I've got it all handled~ I'm full of shit. And, I can act like that for a few months (which I did between December and February.)
REST and RECOVERY- Firstly, having my dear friends Sonya and Denise live with me for the past three months has helped me snap out of that phase (temporarily) because I took daily time to chat about what I was stressed about AND could see elements of my own stress in what they were dealing with, so I had space to reflect and laugh. But, as soon as they left recently, I immediately went back into the same pattern as before...and I felt sad, depressed and isolated (but crazy busy!) I love it when that happens....being isolated while completely slammed. It's my own trick to prolong my suffering and fool me into thinking I'm not acting alone. But I am...I'm completely conspiring against myself in the search to feel good enough, and not "need" others. I hate it when that sneaks up on me.
Secondly, for the first time in 8 years my back went out last weekend. And for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how I had hurt it. My great friend and colleague Glenn, challenged me to consider that something was stressing me out and that my body was trying to force me to rest. I went down the list of things I'm dealing with (all from an "I'M NOT STRESSED AT ALL, HE'S CRAZY" lens): Moving our company office into a new location, launching the registration website and new logo for our huge Summit in the fall, managing three partners and internal company folks to succeed on that deadline, selling my house, ramping up for the biggest year of my life and taking on having a series of important conversations with someone I've been dating on and off for over 5 years....and all of that while the normal work day and life's stuff continued at the same pace. It was good to laugh about how ridiculous that was, and to take the time to recover from that over the weekend (albeit in several hour chunks and early bed times, not a concentrated few days off.)
REFLECTION- For me, trying to keep busy, organized and act like I have it all together is a sign that I'm overwhelmed and in need of help. What I know now (again and again) is when I see those signs, it's time to rest, recover and reflect - but that reflection piece cannot be done alone, it must be done with my communities AND while resting and recovering.
Yesterday, I woke up and realized that while I have a fortunate life and ability to be creative and flexible with my schedule, I hadn't taken time away from work for more than 2-3 days around a weekend since November. And, usually I don't take the weekend to check in on work things. So, while I reflect all the time, I don't do that with rest and relaxation happening.
And, while I take chunks of time to rest and recover (due to the fact that I have a pattern of driving myself to the brink of exhaustion), I don't do that to reflect or strategically build it into my lovely color coded calendar. I should anticipate that I will need extended time off to do all three-rest, recover and reflect.
So, I'm out on Friday. Off to spend time with family and friends at an undisclosed location. I will rest, recover and reflect with others to come back renewed and ready to launch an INCREDIBLE year!
All love, and more soon....
Maureen
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