Every year for the past three years, I've engaged in a process of setting big areas of growth for myself in my heart, head, body and spirit.  In order to do that well, I believe I must find where I'm not fulfilled in each of those areas, figure out what belief is at the root of that lack of fulfillment, imagine the OPPOSITE belief (even if it feels weird and uncomfortable) and then imagine total fulfillment from that new and intentionally chosen belief.  Yeah.  It's a lot.

Thankfully I have an amazing community that offers incredible perspectives and amounts of love and support to help me push myself every year.  This year, kicking and screaming, I got to the most uncomfortable belief to practice: "I am brilliant enough to accomplish anything."  It makes me cringe just typing it.  But, if I'm being honest about what it takes to step into my fullest power, in all the places I've been stopped in my life is in not believing in my greatest abilities. So, off the cliff I jump in practicing this belief.  I'm also feeling most vulnerable and raw in practicing non judgment as I practice being "love" in every moment. Since I struggle in maintaining non judgment throughout that process, I also get to practice the belief that "In love, I am perfect, whole and complete...exactly as I am and exactly as I'm not."
Word on the "brain science" street is that if we practice new and purposeful beliefs for 30 days straight (no skipping!) we can re-train our brain templates/defaults so that we actually see evidence and actions in alignment with the new beliefs.

One really great way I've been practicing living new beliefs is in making choices that are in alignment with what I'm committed to and not attached to how it happens (by a time, with particular people, in a particular way) which opens up INFINITE possibilities.  It's been hard, but the more I feel struggle the more I catch myself being attached to something in the struggle and I let it go.  Once again, breathing freely and joyfully as I imagine all the many options in honoring a commitment with total freedom.  Essentially, this practice eliminates the word SHOULD from how I choose to live and gives me total choice in every moment.

How I've been practicing the distinction "Commitment Vs. Attachment" to support my intentions for the year:

Heart- Clearly, as my dear friend Kristin pointed out in her observation of the imbalance of my heart chakra to all the others, I'm working my ASS off inviting love into all that I do (most intensely in relationship with my partner, which has been about the last 6 months.)  Believe me...there are many things hard about doing that.  Sometimes it's hard to practice non judgment of others in order to love them exactly as they are.  Other times, it's practicing being open, vulnerable and worthy of being seen when what I have to show is so hidden and scary to reveal.  And the more intimate I am with someone, the harder this is.  The hardest part of this practice is not believing the visceral responses (sometimes lasting for nanoseconds and other times for days) that I am not good enough for unconditional love.  Just when I want to run, hide, isolate, let my fears dictate what happens next...I let go of any conditions or attachments to how my journey should look and ask myself, "If I am perfect, whole and complete, and who I love is perfect, whole and complete, what would I choose right now?"  The more I practice this, the more compassion and patience I have and more personal risks I am willing to take.  Over time, I less often use "if" and practice "I am."  I am stronger than my fears....but, damn those fears are fucking fierce!  As I'm working with my partner to build our relationship, remembering these things helps me to stop and ask myself "What would it take, in this moment, to honor a commitment to a powerful, nurturing and fulfilling relationship and not be attached to any way of doing it?"  When I feel rejected, hurt, afraid...often the asking of this means I have to communicate where I am, reflect on how my old beliefs are responsible, engage with someone other than me (even when I want to hide the most) and truly consider ALL possibilities.  Then, when I choose freely to do whatever I choose to do in love, not because "I should"....I'm doing it as an authentic CHOICE that will honor the kind of relationship I'm committed to.  I feel this way of being in relationship honors the importance and difficulty of incorporating growth and freedom in our core.  Doing this in the last few months with such an incredibly supportive, powerful and insightful partner has been quite a roller coaster....but one that feels strong and purposeful, loving and nourishing.  This practice makes who I am in all of my relationships someone that is fully present and intentional about creating the most incredible relationship possible.  As much work as I do (and am responsible for) to create something amazing,  I have to acknowledge that I'm also a lucky, lucky woman having found such an amazing man to create that with.
*She says while asking "Where is the emoticon with the bashful smile to insert here?"* 






Head- In my professional and academic commitment I'm very clear (and have been for a while) that I want to engage the country in a powerful transformation of how we think about teachers. Radically altering how we honor the profession, I'm committed that this nation can create a culture where we value preparing and compensating teachers at the highest level, ultimately creating an educational system that is rooted in a belief in the infinite brilliance of children.  There are many pathways to achieving this. Two years ago I focused primarily on Harvard's Ed.L.D. program to get me there.  This process confronted (more than at any time in my life) any lack of belief in my intelligence that existed in any cell, anywhere in my being.  This year, as I begin the process of asking how I can honor my commitment, I'm clear that Harvard's program is one of the many pathways.  Of course, there are some other programs as well as organizations to connect with that can serve as a pathway.  And, I'm considering those as I work my plan for the year. However, if I'm fully believing in my brilliance, honoring my need for development in policy, economics and education and committed to national reform in policy and community at this level, that program is still a pretty great option.  So, I begin the process of application (again) from a belief that "I am brilliant enough..." (see March 2011 for my post application reflections).  My intention is to be accepted at the end of the application process AND not be attached to anything while I'm engaged in the process.   Try, try, again....right?

Body- Last year I took on believing that "I love my body...in this moment exactly how it is."  This showed up in many new choices over the year, including what I chose to consume and how I chose to treat my body. Amazing things happened and now I am ready to go to the next level, challenge myself more and get stronger--all the while, loving my body so much that I'm preparing it for the remainder of my life.  I started to practice the belief of "I'll be an athlete by the end of the year", but I quickly realized this was a conditional belief (when I get my body looking to a certain way or after I finish a particular exercise program, etc.) which is not a commitment, but an attachment and does not honor that "I am perfect, whole and complete...exactly as I am and exactly as I'm not."  Rather than create a conditional belief, I have chosen to practice that "I am an athlete" and in those moments, choose what I want to do.  Believing that about my body, with all the body image issues that have been brainwashed in me throughout my whole life, is as uncomfortable as anything I've ever done...it's the MOST intimate.  However, I have found that I'm eager to take on Bikram yoga again while having incredible compassion for the fact that I'm nowhere NEAR where I was when I practiced years ago.  I've signed up for a new athletic based community (CrossFit),  taken harder hikes, even running a little....all with patience, compassion and willingness to take risks. It feels easy to continue to eat healthy and I'm listening to my body and its needs as I choose to re-integrate alcohol into my life.  I've found that I'm much more selective and intentional about how I choose to treat my body and it doesn't feel difficult or like I'm struggling to make good choices.  I'd say of the 4 areas I focus on, this one feels most practiced from my work last year.  And still, I struggle against the brain template of how I "should" look and continue to REFUSE to make any choices from a "should", rather I make them from my commitment to honor, love and develop my body as an athlete would.

Spirit- My spiritual practice is grounded in my commitment to contribution.  My guiding question always is "How can I be my best self in order to be of service to others?" As I continue to engage this year's areas of growth, I'm clear they are grounded in this.  I have a lot to contribute and offer the world.  Clearly, the world has a lot to contribute and offer to me.  So, let's do this.

My commitment is that I can live a life where I am completely intentional about creating what I want and never letting my past or any default thinking get in the way of having it all.  To that end, my spiritual work IS practicing intentional beliefs created as ways to have total fulfillment and access to infinite growth.

2012-13 mantras for the year are:

"I am brilliant enough to accomplish anything."

"In love, I am perfect, whole and complete...exactly as I am and exactly as I'm not."

"This nation can create a culture where we value preparing and compensating teachers at the highest level, ultimately creating an educational system that is rooted in the belief in our childrens' brilliance."

"I am capable of being in powerful, nurturing and fulfilling relationships."

"I am an athlete."

"I am stronger than my fears."

"Being my best self is a contribution to the world."