I'm reflecting this morning after an intense week at the 2011 National Poetry Slam where Sonya Renee and I had the honor of people's attendance in a workshop we ran called "Slam as a Safe Space?"- created in response to numerous conversations that have taken place in the slam community which have been painful, hard and unsatisfying for many. One struggle in conversations with multiple perspectives on issues of race, gender, sexuality, etc. has been that people engage (or disengage) from a place of "right" and when that debate takes place and we stop listening (or believe the conversation has stopped being "productive"), often nothing changes, people feel less inclined to bother engaging and the issue being raised (the impact of racism, sexism, homophobia, etc.) continues.
Ultimately, we perpetuate pain rather than face discomfort and give up that there is a "right".
On one hand, I was AMAZED at the work people (over 100 in two days) did to simply consider that what we offered was not THE truth, rather a perspective to consider tools that can help to stay engaged, speak your truth, experience discomfort in a productive way and accept/expect non closure (* from Glenn Singleton's Courageous Conversations About Race protocol.) I was in awe at how people who came to the workshop demonstrated the will to do what it takes to stay in the conversation and work collectively to dismantle the various oppressions that exist in the Slam Community. The love we received, the constructive criticism we received and the commitment we heard from people to continue this work was gorgeous. Attendees were inspiring and I'm grateful for the honor you bestowed on us to facilitate such a space. I was left inspired to remain committed to provide whatever I can to this community, which is beautiful...exactly the way it is and exactly the way it isn't. I only hope to return a fraction of the joy, growth and strength you have given me.
On the other hand, I was disappointed that the workshop was attended mainly by people who have expressed being impacted by oppression in the slam community, and not by many who have been called out for perpetuating it. I won't name the names of the people who were (according to our written feedback) missed by the group. And I do acknowledge that there was one level of support to this work provided by creating a technical space in the program for this workshop. That is an important beginning. What was missing for me was the next level of support from those in positional and privilege based power to demonstrate the will to engage in (this rare and collective space) the PERSONAL adaptive hard work that each member of this community must do to interrupt and dismantle various oppressions as they come up. I've given the attendees a homework assignment to consider who was missing and how we can engage them. I look forward to seeing what people do with that assignment.
In the spirit of showing that nothing is wrong with acknowledging our truths, I shared at the end of the second day that I am a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, and more~ not because I choose this, but because I have been trained to be. I also am an anti racist, anti sexist, anti homophobe because I believe in choosing to name that which I have been brainwashed to believe and examining how I perpetuate that which I strive to interrupt...even if I don't see it, even if it is painful to acknowledge and even if I have been on the receiving end of any form of oppression.
When I read the NPS threads over the course of the week and listened to people reflecting, I observed some people thanking others for the privilege of serving. This made me reflect on how often we don't see that if we have the privilege to do, say or create something, it is not always an honor. When what I am privileged to do causes others to feel silenced, unseen and hurt... this is not a privilege I can be grateful for.
*I can be grateful to the people who share how I hurt them for loving me enough to illuminate that which I do not see, particularly in their own pain and struggle of being impacted by what I have done.
*I can be grateful to the people who believe in my (and our) ability to interrupt oppression, dismantle it and eliminate it.
*I can be grateful that I choose to embrace the courage necessary to listen and act with the people who have been knocked down, pushed away and wounded by the exercising of privilege and be grateful for their undying strength, passion and dedication. Not to mention they are some of the most courageous and strong people I've ever met.
*I can be grateful for love. And people's truth. And time on this earth to learn more about people's truth. And for change.
I cannot be grateful for privilege, but I can be grateful for these things. And I can hope that gratitude and love keep extending so more people stop being grateful for their privileges and start being grateful for the blessing of engaging in discomfort.
We are not wrong. We are learning. We are different. We are beautiful. We are perfect, exactly the way we are and exactly the way we aren't.
That is how we know that we are change. We are truth. We are love. We are one.
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