Overpacking my schedule

Good morning kittens,
Wow, what a crazy journey I've been on the last week....
Aside from listening to the voices in my head as I take on this sobriety challenge, I also did an intensive two day retreat at Harbin hot springs on Love, Intimacy and Sexuality.
I got home from that Sunday night, jumped into work Monday am and now find myself in Stockton for another intensive 4 days of working with juniors at College Summit (hooray, working with kids!  Boo, not taking time to reflect and take care of myself!) and then will have one more work week before I have a couple of days of rest, recovery and reflection.
One of the pieces of feedback I've gotten from people before is that it always seems like I have so much on my plate, which can be inspiring to some and to others overwhelming (like I take on too much) and in my mind I've realized that I keep "learning" how much I need personal time to do the 3 R's after I book an intensive anything (work travel, personal courses, vacation with family/friends, etc.) and I find myself wondering this morning why I rarely apply that lesson.

One of the most amazing take aways I got from this weekend was how often I have acted out of obligation (in intimacy, relationships, profession, etc.) at the expense of my self care.  I promise I'll write more on that later (once I have some 3R time! LOL), but I just noticed that part of totally being at choice in the world, every minute of every day, means I have to choose me in order to authentically choose freely, not out of obligation.

So, I'm off to shower in the dorms here (ha!) and head out to work with the youngsters.  I'm so grateful for clarity, the abundance of love in humanity and for each day of this journey I get to live.
Love, and thank you for listening....
Maureen

Day three into four

Day 3 was cool.....long work day, then in the evening I found myself wanting to get a glass of wine with friends.  When I reminded myself that that wasn't an option, I took a second to see what I was feeling and experiencing that made me want to go do that.  It was loneliness.  Not overwhelming loneliness, but it was there....so, I noted that and promised myself I'd cop to it today in the blog.
I still sought out hanging with friends to get a bite to eat, but that didn't work itself out so I came home, ate dinner and had a great convo with a great friend for a while.
Went to bed early and was up again on my own by 6 am.  I did wake up with a little bit of a headache which is a pain in the ass, but I wonder if it's because I indulged in fried chicken which I never eat, and rarely eat chicken period these days.  I did notice that when I said no in my head to the alcohol, that I did want to get comfort food instead.  Nothing wrong with that, but I'm noticing it for sure.....
Still paying attention to the voices and choices...have a great day!

Day 2 into 3

Good morning!  I woke up on my own, wide awake and ready to take on the day at 5.30 am (ten minutes before my abnormally early alarm was scheduled for a boot camp class) and realized I had made the critical mistake of sleeping on my stomach.  Now, no matter how great my new bed is (and it really is great), sleeping on my stomach is the KISS OF DEATH for my lower back.  Blah, blah, blah....I used that as an excuse to skip boot camp class.  *I made up a ton of other reasons too (car in shop, taking the truck is too much gas, I'll be too sore for this 3 day class I'm taking this weekend, etc.) and it was really interesting to watch how so much of me was ready and prepared to focus more on my health but I found several good reasons (I'm really good at creating ones that give me permission to not work out) to NOT honor my commitment to my body.

I'm of the belief that my insecurities (I'm not good enough) are often at the root of my getting in the way of myself.  I try the mantra "I am good enough" to move me when I want to play lazy, or find reasons to dodge what I know is good for me.  This am, that didn't work to help me overcome the back pain that stopped me from boot camp, but it DID help me to not go back to sleep, get up, stretch, blog and plan to at least go on a hike by 7 am.  

Yesterday, I noticed that I did lots of great things for myself with ease.  I walked with my friend Denise, had a really productive work day, drank LOTS of water (and if you know me that's CRAZY), didn't eat after 7 (although I really, really wanted to) and went to sleep in silence (usually, I have to have a show on the laptop to sleep.)  These are baby steps for me....and I'm really proud of myself for sticking to being good enough to live a healthy and fulfilling life.  I don't know if sobriety has me more easily being able to make better choices, or if I'm able to recognize self destructive behavior and interrupt it OR if I'm just having a good week.  Either way, day 2 was a great day.  I was able to focus on my mind, body, heart and spirit.  Balance is lovely.

Sobriety

Well, I've taken some time to reflect and reground after the last time you heard from me.  I'm planning a pretty big year...looking to get published in some journals or maybe even write a book!  I'm also looking to work in the policy field to learn more about how a movement becomes law. All that this year (July 2011-July 2012) before I reapply to Harvard's Ed.L.D. program next year.  So...as I shared this, a dear friend suggested I consider doing that sober.  Not to say there's a problem or anything (although people know I like to party), but she suggested I consider that what I'm up to is like training for the Olympics and how I might treat my body and mind.
For whatever reason, this really resonated with me.....so, as of July 5th I've taken on the personal challenge of ONE YEAR SOBER (at least).
I'm doing this not only for the physical and mental clarity as I take on bigger things in my professional life, but I'm also taking on balance in all areas:
My commitment to the profession is my mind
My relationships are my heart
My physical health is my body
My overall well being is my spirit.
So, if I create this compass if you will, with these quadrants, to navigate balance, fulfillment and success~I have a lot to work on.
I'll post more later as I engage in these areas and how being sober is allowing me to notice when the voices in my head want me to run...but for now, I'll just say that I had a first date last night and it was interesting watching how my nervous energy manifested.  I appreciated clarity and I appreciated watching how my insecurities became negative and wanted me to close off. And, I didn't.
Here's to day 2!
Cheers,
Maureen