5 Months and Counting!

I'M SO AMAZED at the power of positive thinking and how EMPOWERING it is to know what beliefs I have that get in the way of my being completely fulfilled (HINT:  It really isn't about taking different steps, it's about examining the thinking at the root of the action or inaction I've been in that isn't getting me what I want!) It's been about 5 months sober now and I feel like listening to the voices in my head has become a well toned muscle.  Doing this for 5 months being totally clear headed has been unbelievably healthy.  It's actually not hard at all, I'm still having fun, loving life and engaging in normal struggles.  Not much different, except that I choose not to escape, which RAPIDLY accelerates my learning.
After 5 months of practice, I can quickly see how lack of belief in myself manifests into procrastination, exhaustion and need to be isolated.  I can also see how judgment of myself starts a cycle of blame and shame when I do those things that actually make it worse!  So, now when I see those symptoms of insecurity I take care of myself and talk OUT LOUD with someone who I have identified as a trusted member of my community to talk through what's happening so I can get in action and interrupt it.  Letting other people take care of me has been simply life altering.  Thank you so much to all my friends and family who have listened to me.  I love you.

I can see connections to people all around me!  Believing that I am good enough and that there are amazing people around me to connect with has EXPONENTIALLY increased the amount of connections I've had (romantic, professional and just in normal human interaction in the world) with new people and has deepened my relationships with loved ones.  Believing RELENTLESSLY that the world can change, that our awareness can deepen, that we each are more powerful than we can possibly fathom has really helped me to engage in conversations I never thought I would have, try out new and exciting things and have me shape a life for myself that feels more balanced and fulfilling that it EVER has in my entire life. Calling that blessed sells it short.  I'm blessed with my own desire to transform and create a life that I love.  I'm blessed with amazing people around me who are willing to be with me on this journey.  I'm blessed with a community and world who also believes in the power of transformation and love. All that intersects together because we believe in possibility.

I'm now in a place where I can move from intellectualizing my struggles into feeling them.  It's still pretty hard for me to go straight to feeling, so I've been using humor as kind of the "gateway" emotion.  When I catch myself interrupting being angry or sad with analyzing, I stop and laugh at myself.  I CAN laugh at myself....this is directly connected to practice of non judgment.  If I'm perfect, exactly the way that I am and exactly the way that I'm not, I can laugh at the crazy voices that are conspiring to keep me less fulfilled.  I can also get that these voices are not TRUTH....they are just a manifestation of the beliefs I've identified as ones that don't serve my total fulfillment in the world.

Beliefs are not set in stone.....yet they are SO powerful, that sometimes we think they are more powerful than us.  However, as they are a part of us....our experiences, our environment, our past...  THEY ARE NOT bigger than us.  Believing that at any given moment in time I always have a choice, helps me to be empowered and shape my beliefs.  When I feel stuck, I now know that there are beliefs there driving why I am stuck that I can examine, learn more about and change...thus, changing my actions.  Nothing is impossible, the world is what it is and we are exceptional human beings in this world.  Change starts with me... and it NEVER starts with resignation with circumstances, NEVER with beliefs grounded in insecurity, NEVER that I am alone.

I'm so grateful for this year....a year that has been a journey of love, clarity and commitment to making each moment better and more fulfilling.  I've got (I believe and hope) many more years left on this planet and I've only just begun!  What else is there for me?